There are some things you should stop doing in order to be successful:
Quit Giving Up! – Think about the athletes that are coached to give one more try when their whole body is racked with exhaustion. Our brain will often tell us to stop when something is getting too hard but that’s when you tap into your commitment and push through that feeling. Don’t rationalize or make excuses for yourself. Push yourself a bit, work a little longer, sacrifice something else, persist, and persevere, despite what it costs you. Both the external and internal cost of failing will be much higher.
Quit Procrastinating! – If you truly want to be successful in life, have high quality relationships, and advance your career or business, hold promises as sacred agreements, don’t miss deadlines, and make a practice to follow through on your commitments. Don’t make excuses.
Quit Having a Victim Mentality! – A victim is someone who feels powerless, and is therefore unable to take appropriate action to resolve situations adversely affecting their well-being. Being powerless is learned behavior originating from repeated childhood experiences where core needs were not met adequately.
The victim mentality can be understood as a repetitive way of negative thinking where the victim has come to believe that others, not them, are responsible for their experiences and fulfilling their needs. This can be taken further to mean that the victim mentality comes from a person getting stuck in a stage of development where they feel helpless lacking access to inner resources to take care of themselves. The victim mentality produces adults that feel entitled and demand being taking care off.
Quit Putting Yourself Last On The List! – The problem with that is that if we don’t take care of ourselves, sooner or later we won’t be of much use to anyone else—or to ourselves. Just as the airline attendant tells you to put on your own oxygen mask in an emergency before helping a child with theirs, you must take care of your own basic needs before you can attend to the needs of others. What’s more, being busy is not necessarily the same as being productive with meaningful activity.
The key to making you a priority without exuding an ounce of selfishness is simple, Dr. Phil says. "You don't do it at other people's expense," he states matter-of-factly. "It means filling yourself up mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually," he explains. "It's not about being selfish."
And if you want to quit your job, then check out the creative way this worker gave her notice... with some help from Kanye West.
Last month CNN reported
that six out of 10 Americans now believe dating sites are a good way to meet people. That's up from 44% from the data given in 2005.
In my day job, I have two colleagues that have successful marriage, thanks to online dating websites. And there’s one action that made a big improvement in their success rate. The BIGGEST secret to doing online dating well is to take the dating to real life dating within five days. That’s right; you have to take your communication off the computer or smartphone into reality. There will be no chance of being Catfished
if you do this.
The people that are liars, attached, controlling, or the extremely shy will push back try to dissuade you from meeting them too soon. But you need to not back down. I don’t care what type of traveling they’re doing or how sick their mother is. They can take the time to meet you for coffee for fifteen minutes. If they can’t, they should have an active dating profile so -- MOVE ON!
Your time is as valuable as theirs, you aren’t getting any younger. You need to see a real person, not someone’s façade.
You can Google online dating rules to read great posts like this one at Women’s Day
but single people need to remember, you can be as picky as you want. It’s your life and NO one else’s. So stay selective and make offline dating part of your dating arsenal.
Below enjoy a great TED talk by Amy Webb. Amy was having no luck with online dating. The dates she liked didn't write her back, and her own profile attracted crickets (and worse). So, as any fan of data would do: she started making a spreadsheet. Hear the story of how she went on to hack her online dating life -- with frustrating, funny and life-changing results.
Research has shown that music has a profound effect on a person’s body and psyche. In fact some people believe music can heal. Music therapists are finding music can help cancer patients, children with ADD, and others with pain management, to help ward off depression, to promote movement, to de-stress, and to ease muscle tension.
This week, my daughter and I took a moment to recount three songs that make us feel good and I was NOT surprised that Michael Jackson’s music was featured on our list. (listen to podcast below) As we get ready for Thanksgiving take a moment to play some of the songs that make you smile, sing along, or dance around.
Let your inner child out to enjoy some music therapy, I promise you’ll feel great after you do.
With the youth fascinated with twerking, women striving ‘to have it all’, and men determined to retain their manliness, our society is putting aside more social graces and getting very crass. I know times are changing but shouldn't some social etiquette remain? I still think men shouldn’t curse in front of ladies and children. That's the way I was raised and the men in my life embraced that philosophy.
There was a time when the type of vocabulary a person used, defined the type of mentality an individual had. But as time marches on more, many men are pushing the envelope, and their constant swearing is having an effect on their relationships.
Did you know, a vast majority of women, 30 – 55 years old (70 percent) think that men that use profanity in front of them, have no respect for them.
• 60% of women believe swearing around women and children shows a lack of self-control.
• 86% believe it demonstrates lack of maturity and makes men look less intelligent (unless they’re upset,-- i.e. injured, being challenged by another man, or suffering a great loss).
The good news is, that when men use their words in a composed and concise manner, without any of the '@*&%' and '*%#!', it can leave a positive impression on their woman, colleagues, children, and bosses. (Just think of the men on People’s Sexiest Man Alive list
and you’ll see most of them never curse frequently around women and children.)
While men should
enjoy their habit of string various curse words together around their boys, but when they’re with their lady or on their job, it should be a different story. Resorting to foul language when things get rocky shows a lack of respect. Falling back on swear words to communicate a point is unprofessional and can show a lacks of self-control. Allow your ability to express a thought to be an example to others.
Cursing is a habit that adds nothing positive to a conversation, and in fact almost always leaves a negative impression. If you find yourself guilty of frequent profanity, you might do some soul-searching as to the reasons behind it.
Are you trying to project a certain image, perhaps based on trying to appear “cool” or ‘hard’? Is your habit a leftover from your sport playing day, a tough upbringing, or have you just forgotten to upgrade your language? Whatever the reason, understand the source of your foul language. Because research shows you may be more likely to advance in your career and deepen your relationships if you’re selective of when you use profanity.
Okay, thanks to some great friends, I'm in a great place, enjoying quiet weekend of getting my New Adult novel, Jacmuir
closer to publication.
If you would like to spend a day (November 9th) marathon writing your novel, there are in-person NaNoWriMo events
hosted in your local region, and virtually on Twitter
Wherever you choose to write, your commitment will be the same: to spend as much of the day working on your WIP (working in progress) as physically possible.
Work hard to make your dreams a reality and never forget... the elevator to success is broken, take the stairs.
There will be many moments when you’ll need to take a beat and reflect on your life.
My grandfather taught me that lesson, not by scolding me or with a lecture, just in our quiet conversations under his massive Willow tree. We use to sit on his lawn and enjoy the afternoon Florida breeze dancing through the droopy branches above our heads. He said, “You’ll be amazed at the things God makes you ponder when you finally sit still.”
I didn’t understand him fully at the time but I do now.
When I reflect on my life, my mind drifts to various instances; some that brought great pain and others that brought me tremendous joy. I think about the people that positively touched my life and the ones that wanted selfish gains. In my quiet moments, I remember God’s teachings and feel my grandfather’s presence as he roots for me to move toward my happiness.
For the most part, I’m on the right path but … I need to embrace the wisdom in my heart more. I need to be okay with letting go. Last weekend I was utterly devastated by the words of a person I’d treated like family. I was in a dark, cold bathroom crying on the floor as the rewind of callous words rang in my ears.
It broke me. I felt my heart actually aching as my head reeled from the moment.
Everything I knew about my connection with this person was in question. Their motives, their feelings, their promises, all of it faded to black as their current declarations rung in my ears. Words filled with venom and obstinate instantly washed away the façade of my reality.
Then the last tear fell.
I decided to accept the truth confronting me. A grand allusion was exposed and I finally knew, with all certainty, how unyielding things would be if I continued to ignore the truth.
I didn’t have to beg God for the answers because He showed me. Right there in the darkness of that bathroom, He revealed it all and my shaky breathing slowed… and the burden in my anguish started to subside.
I knew what needed to happen next… so I dried my face and exited the bathroom to wait for morning…
It's your job to tell the truth, cleanse your soul, and help someone that’s in pain. So don’t live you whole life without dealing with your heartbreaks, disappointments, and agonies.
All of us have parts of our past that we wish we could re-write but since we don’t own a time machine the only thing we can do is deal with our history. We need to take responsibility that we can’t re-write the past.
Pain is an inevitable part of life. Never think that you've been singled out for pain. We all seem to understand that physical pain takes time to subside, and as the wound or illness that caused the pain heals, the pain will ease. What we have more trouble with is realizing that emotional pain also takes time to heal.
Temporary emotional pain is caused by any number of events: death of a loved one, a breakup, thoughtlessness or cruelty on the part of others. When you're hurting because of any of the above, accept that it's normal to feel hurt or angry for a short time. Let's face it: if a loved one dies, only a very cold person would be unaffected by it. If you love someone and that person dumps you, it's natural to feel hurt. These things are normal. Trying to cure what is normal is pointless. Expect to feel pain for a while - it's normal.
The best way to get rid of painful and negative emotions connected to your past is to let them go. Learning to let go of the emotional suffering is extremely difficult. But if we learn to get some distance from our emotions, to stand back and observe them. We can see them more clearly.
And if your pain is because of a secret, take a safe person into your confidence. It will dull the isolating edge of a secret—and defuses the pain. Small secrets, like small stars can cool with time.
November is the annual National Novel Writing month — or, as it's best known, NaNoWriMo
The event continues to grow, and new highlights include a partnership with Wattpad
. Participants who upload their stories will be eligible to win $2,000 and access a community of millions of writers. Cafes, bookstores and other spaces have also agreed to serve as community writing spaces; the official site
will help you find resources in your town.
A hallmark of the event is its "pep talks" from noted authors. This year Lev Grossman
, James Patterson
, Rowell and many others are slated to share their writing advice. The archive
of pep talks is fantastic and includes words from Neil Gaiman
, Lynda Barry
, Nick Hornby
, Jonathan Lethem
, Dave Eggers
and more folks we admire.
It doesn't cost anything to sign up, other than your pledge to crank out thousands of words. I've decided to join the pack and get my Jacmuir done. Please show your support!
There are some TV couples with no chemistry and then there are couples that make you wish you had a fraction of the chemistry they generate on the screen. Below are my selections of current TV couples with great chemistry.
Chemistry between two actors, or its lack thereof, is often cited in critic reviews—it consists of two people who are utterly present in the moment, truly seeing each other, listening to each other and allowing themselves to be emotionally naked together, open to the throes of rage, lust or any other combination of feelings—not hiding behind their characters. Discerning audiences can tell when that’s happening for real—and when it’s not.
It’s about making it all about the other person.... You have to be able to look at another person and say, ‘I don’t know what it is but we have a shared human experience if you look back far enough, and that makes you just as real as me.’
It’s scary to look someone in the eye and be human and vulnerable in front of the camera or audience. But that’s a part of acting, the willingness to be vulnerable—vulnerable enough to imagine the kind of intense intimacy required—and trust that in the world of the rehearsal and performance, if your character gets hurt, you yourself won’t personally suffer.
Below are some of my favorite TV characters because of their on-screen chemistry. Who are yours?
Christina and Owen from Grey’s Anatomy
Carol and Daryl the walking dead
Dean and Castiel from Supernatural prove that you don’t need a kiss to have chemistry.
Tony and Ziva from NCIS
Fitz & Olivia from Scandal
When it comes to physical maturity you can normally observe where someone is in their development. While you might mistake a 19-year-old teenager for a young man in his early twenties, you would never think that an infant is a 5-year-old girl and you would never think that a man is his forties was in his late seventies.
Emotional maturity is a little more complicated to ascertain. At first, a man in his late forties can seem to have the emotional maturity of someone who is in his late forties —i.e. he can seem to have the emotional maturity of a seasoned adult… However once you get to know him, it can become apparent that most of the time, even though he is in his late forties chronologically, he has the emotional maturity of a teenager with occasional digressions to the emotional maturity of a child.
Emotional Maturity is something that you often need observe over time to get an accurate picture of where someone is.
Stages of Emotional Maturity
People generally spend the bulk of their time in one of four stages of emotional maturity—Child, Teenager, Young Adult, and Seasoned Adult.
If you observe someone with an eye to discerning their level of emotional maturity, most of the time, you will be able to ascertain at what stage of emotional maturity they spend most of their time.
Sometimes, particularly under stress, people regress. I once dated a man that became emotionally immature when he was under any type of stress. He would drop from the Seasoned Adult Stage to the Teenager or Child stage during disagreements or difficult situation.
I thought I was dealing with a person with anger and control issues until I took a closer look at his reactions. He would sigh loudly when he didn’t want to hear others speak their mind, he would state his opinions harshly without any empathy for others feelings, and he would always seek to give ‘pay back’ to anyone that frustrated him. When I mentioned his emotional immaturity levels to his son, the boy agreed that his father regressed when he was upset.
He said his dad becomes a 17 year old bully when he doesn’t get his way. I remember asking why seventeen? And his son stated, “… because my Dad acts just like the juniors and seniors boys at the high school.”
Striving to be More Emotionally Mature
You can become more emotionally mature. If you have people in your life asking you to become healthier in regards to your emotions. You need to become more self-aware of when you’re ranting, pouting, sighing, or acting out like a child. When the stories you’ve made up in your head about a situation carry more emotional weight that what really
happened, you may be creating unnecessary drama.
Decide today to access where you are in your emotional maturity and work on how you react under stress. Your family and friends will appreciate it.
Back in my mom’s day. They would show her high school class movies to teach psychology principles. (It was a far cry from the animated musical educational short films I watched called Schoolhouse Rock
but it did the trick.)
Here’s one below that talks about Emotional Maturity. In it a teenage girl reflects on her emotional growth, as she remembers episodes in which her love, fear, anger were not always under control