Displaced Anger - Controlling the Fire Within

We all know what anger is an emotional state that encompasses anything from moderate irritation to full blown rage. The physical effects of anger include: increased heart rate, blood pressure and adrenaline. Anger usually comes about for some of the following (real or perceived) reasons: Feelings of being wronged or humiliated, feelings of resentment, mistreatment, frustration, losing face or being made to feel helpless, lack of control, having ones personal space invaded, injustice, feeling trapped or isolated and jealousy. It can be unleashed for many reasons but what do you do when you’re on the other side of a loved one’s displaced anger?

Anger displacement is when a person directs their angry thoughts and feelings at you rather than the actual source of their hostile feelings. For example your friend that owes you money just shows you photos from their expensive exotic vacation, but you say nothing. Instead you get home and take it out on your partner.  This is not only terrible for your relationship but it also increases your stress level and shortens your life span. It’s a very ineffective way to deal with your anger because when your ranting and raving is over, your anger toward your friend will still be there.

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Transference of anger is a symptom of a person’s inability to fully process their emotions in a healthy, mature manner.  All of us do it from time to time but it takes a great deal of self-awareness and maturity to limit the amount of times we do it.

But what do you do if your habitual (or default) Anger style is displaced anger? Not Acting Out, Avoidance, or Ignorance?  Then you have to understand that displaced anger is the classic example of the victim-victimizer cycle.  A person that was the victim of someone’s anger goes on to give anger to another person (becoming the victimizer).

To get a handle on any bout of displaced anger try the following:

1. Remember displaced anger as ‘anger without a home’ when you don’t deal with the cause of your anger.

2.  Ask yourself why are you choosing to lash out at your loved ones and forcing them to ostracize and ignore you because of your bad behavior.

3. Remember that you are smart. Problem solve because there is a solution to every problem if you choose to look for the answers.

4. Relax and think things out. Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate and disastrous.

Remember only you can control the fire within – You can choose to be led by the glow of a candle flame or be consumed by a raging inferno.

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