An Open Letter to Evelyn Lozada
I’ve just watched your two-part interview with Iyanla Vanzant on OWN’s new show, 'Iyanla, Fix My Life' and I greatly admire your bravery to expose childhood wounds, smash negative relationship patterns, and to take an in-depth look at your life choices.
Your loving commitment to your impressionable stepdaughters was apparent the moment you decided to change the image depicted by the media. It said volumes about your commitment to your responsibilities as stepmother. I was hoping that your husband (now ex-husband*) would stand with you in proclaiming a united change in your media personas, but that didn’t happen. You walked the road alone. And now your courage has been rewarded with a great accountability partner, Iyanla, at your side. You are blessed because she has walked a similar road, she is willing to help you stand in your truth, and promises to provide a safe place for you to reveal your innermost feelings.
There was a time when couples were accountability partners for each other. A committed, loving relationship was one the closest connection able to uncover our emotional triggers and childhood wounds. It was so cherished that even our society held such commitments in the highest esteem. It’s the one place where a woman would never have to dismiss or deny her power as a woman. You are worthy of that type of marriage and I’m glad you’re letting go of anything not resembling that kind of a relationship.
I’m proud of you for no longer permitting negative energy in your space. You stated you’ll never accept, tolerate, and accommodate inappropriate behavior, in any form, from a life partner. What a powerful step, Evelyn. You’re on the journey to healing your soul and one day you’ll look back and thank the heavens for the lessons you’ve learned from your brief union with Chad. You are finally on the road to closure and all of womanhood celebrates your awakening.
It was emotional to watch you shattered the carefully crafted façade of your life and reject everything hurtful you’ve ever tolerated in a love relationship. You put your respect for yourself over trying to save face with various unknown critics. I respect your decision to not give the in-depth details about how your former NFL player husband physically disrespected you before the ‘head-butting’ incident. I hope you’ll use your knowledge to speak out to teenagers and women trapped in the cycle of abusive relationships.
Don’t worry about what anyone thinks about how you chose to navigate this process. You alone must walk this path, for the little girl inside of you and for the daughter you’ve raised since 16. Former patterns and pathologies are shattered today because you realize just how much you deserve to be respected and honored. You know you don’t have to give away your dignity to be loved so take time to grieve your childhood pain and let yourself heal.
And like a phoenix, you’ll rise from the ashes of your former life with a stronger awareness of your power as a woman and your mission to serve others.
Big Hugs and Much Resolute Love,
* - As of September 19th, 2012 the divorce of Evelyn Lozada and Chad 'Ochocinco' Johnson became final.
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