Love doesn’t intimidate or manipulate

I’ve written characters that enjoy using intimidation, manipulation and domination to control their relationships.   For them relationships are filled with power plays for control.  That works well for heighten drama in a novel but redeeming such a relationship in real life is impossible with the implementation of a wise plan, strongly redefined boundaries, and a time of separation in order to gain perspective.

Love, equality and respect are the hallmarks of healthy relationships. But any form of strong-arm tactics means the relationship has already taken a turn to for the worse. (i.e. Rihanna and Chris Brown)

Each of these relationship-poisons (manipulation, domination and intimidation) can be very subtle, coming in different shapes, sizes and intensities.  Here are a few:
1. The relationship has been kept on an unequal footing (one person might keep power over another).
2. One person tries to get what he or she wants through threats or withdrawal.
3. It is expected that every move, thought, and feeling will be reported at least from the less-dominant person to the other. If one person is unwilling to tell all, it is assumed there is something to hide.
4. One person is not free to make plans without consulting or getting permission from the other.
5. One person feels at liberty to speak for both people and then, is offended when the partner wants to express his or her own views.
6. Difference in opinion or having different interests is considered a lack of love, or a lack of respect and commitment.

If anyone sees these traits in themselves or someone they love they should re-evaluate their relationship because in healthy relationships there is no element of either winning or losing.   Loving relationships aren’t like a game of chess; they are free of tactics and agenda.