Romancing a Woman on The Phone

Thanks to everyone that emailed, Tweeted, and Facebook ‘liked’ my first ezine article, I sauntered right back into Zeus’ office in my sexy purple power suit, leaned my hip on the front corner of his desk, and asked, like a power player full of moxy, “Can I take another go at it?”

He glanced up from his work and didn’t speak at first, but the fact he granted me an audience, at that God-forsaken hour, meant he respected and appreciated my tenacity. He leaned back slowly in his chair and stared up at me, now most people would think I had the upper hand from our body positioning, but they’d be wrong. Zeus doesn’t have to stand over you to exert dominance; he can do it with his eyes alone. 

After several seconds of silence pass, I developed a heightened awareness of him and started to second guess my boldness, but I couldn’t let his tactic unnerve me. I wanted an answer, and come hell or high water this man was either, going to make me feel like a NFL franchise player with a new contract, or he’d watch me, for the last time, march my pretty little behind out of his office…

Well, I can happily report he extended me another pass…one that I don’t take lightly. (NOTE: Since Zeus' website is no longer functional I'm placing my articles on my website this week for my single male readers that want one woman's perspective on dating.)  

So let continue where we left off securing the first date. I always call a guy that leaves a lasting impression and extends his number because a great phone conversation can ultimately clench the first date. If the conversation goes well, I know I’ll have a good time with this person. If not, I’ll discard the number, get a pedicure, and watch something on HGTV.

Here are a few things you should remember when preparing to talk to a woman on the phone:

Women Don’t Believe Men Hate Talking on the Phone.
Guys talk on the phone to make business deals and trash talk about the latest NBA draft picks.  They can talk about politics, finance, or women, with the cold beer in one hand and their cell phone in the other.  We’re seen you converse on phones for work, to plan getaways, and talk to your mentors when you in need of validation, so if you don’t talk to me for longer than five minutes, because phone conversations are “not something you’re comfortable doing” you’re doubting my intelligence and putting your comfort ahead of mine.  And both will label you as immature and totally beneath any man of class.

Now, I know there are romantic coaches telling men ‘don’t talk to women on the phone’ but I’m here to tell you…they didn’t mean never! People are busy with careers, friends, family, and other commitments so you can lose the whole ‘I‘ll just send her a text’ routine. That’s what high schoolers do and nothing a man does to woo me should remind me of an adolescent; not the way he acts, dresses, or communicates. Remember silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.

And yes, I understand talking in person is preferable to using an electronic device but if you’ll indulge me a little, in the beginning, you’re get so much more on the investment. Give a little and be willing to compromise because nothing turns a woman off quicker than inflexibility.  

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Talk to Me Like a Man, Not my Best Girlfriend
Don’t ask me what television shows I watch or inquire about my closest girlfriends. You’re determining if we’re compatible not auditioning to be a part of my entourage. Focus on me and not the mindless fluff women talk about to pass the time. I don’t care if you can name all of the housewives on Bravo or know the last guest Oprah interviewed. On my list of qualities I’m looking for in a man, I can’t find ‘likes similar television shows’ anywhere because it’s not a priority in couple compatibility. Now, if you choose to ignore this advice you’ll move yourself quickly into the ‘guy friend’ category. And I’ll see you more like a brother than a man I want to spend time with, then the idea of dating you exclusively will be the furthest thing from my mind. And unknowingly, I’ll start calling you to get a ‘man’s opinion’ about men I’m interested in dating because we talk all the time as ‘friends’.

Also, don’t talk about your past relationships like we’re going to bond over your revelations.  We both have exs and unless one of them is picking up or dropping off your children at your house, I don’t want to know anything about her at this point. Telling me about former girlfriends or ex-wives won’t win you any points because we both know how the story goes: you were once in love with X, things got rocky with X, things ended with X, and now you’re dating again. I really have empathy for all stories of woe and heartbreak, but the first phone call with a prospective date should be comfortable, fun, and engaging. If I want to hear about love choices gone wrong, I’d call a certain Latina and ask how things are working out after she left that dancer she was seeing.

Don’t put our conversation on hold
If your other line rings, someone knocks on your door, or someone just made a game winning play on the TV, think twice before you put me on hold. (Note: The exception being your elderly mother is returning your call or your child needs you.) Busy people think placing a prospective date on hold will shows how important you are and how hectic your life is, but it really shows you have an attention span of a gnat and can’t give a woman your undivided attention. In my case, if I’m interested in a very busy man he'll always tells me the best time of day to call him.  And when I call he’s ready to talk and makes sure the interruptions are little or non-existent because it’s a fact finding mission for him too and an astute man knows how to use his time wisely.

I know some men and women start conversations on the phone and then place the caller on mute so they can email, watch television, or place another quick call. They think their multitasking is fine because they can still hear the caller while they place their focus somewhere else but they’re just being rude and disrespectful. If I called you at a time when you’re busy tell me and reschedule our conversation because something else requires your immediate attention. Remember, sensible women understand a phone call can come at inopportune time, while immature girls will become indignant due to their narcissistic tunnel vision.   

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Remind Me of Your Attraction, Then Ask Me Out
I’ll admit it, I love when a guy reminds me how good I looked and smiled when we first met on our first phone conversation. It’s nice to hear the same sentiments said in a sexy tone meant for my ears alone. So tell women more about your first impressions and the only reason you contained yourself was because you need to know more. Every woman wants to be desired in a way that makes them feel proud to be a girl. You’re seen the way we light up like a Christmas tree at a compliment, so you can imagine how we'll act when you make us blush.

And when the conversation has that same nice banter that made you extend your number, but with a little more personal playfulness, stop it short and ask me out.  Right there. Don’t lead up to it, wait for the conversation to come to an end, or talk to me for a few hours –you’re not my man yet, so it’s not required. When you’ve established again that I’m sincerely attracted to you, ask me out and my answer will confirm it. Remember, you’re directing this conversation and real men enjoy looking at women in person, so leave me wanting to continue this talk on a date.

Besides, everyone knows women have a tendency to overanalyze conversations. If you talk to me too long, I’ll replay that conversation in my mind and try to determine what type of man I’m dealing with and once I think I have you figured out it will be hard to convince me otherwise. So keep some of your mystery and let me learn more about you in person.  Make me worry about impressing you with another outfit and call my best friend in excitement and talk to her all night.  Let me fantasize about enjoying a memorable date with a great guy like you because you’re a catch.

The first phone call should never feel intimidating because it’s only a ten to fifteen minute conversation to establish a valid attraction and ask a woman out on a date. If a woman says something that doesn’t inspire you to ask her out then you’re under no obligation.  You can thank her for the nice conversation and tell her to have a great week.  But if the conversation encourages you to spend some quality time with this beauty then seal the deal and be prepared to have a great time with a woman that’s excited to see you again.

Stay confident, handsome, and otherworldly!    

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