“Don't Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.”
~ Miguel Angel Ruiz
Many couples argue about what the other person meant when they said something. This process starts when one person listens to their partner’s words, and converts those words into their own meanings, and then repeats back their translation, making their partner responsible for that translation and the new meaning behind it.
Of course the person doing the translating is making a massive assumption, that they understand the intention behind their partner’s words. That’s completely wrong. Making an assumption is a dangerous game, because we’re already socially conditioned to think the worst first.
Assumptions are wild guesses pretending to be facts. Most of the assumptions we make, come from our past experiences and habits of thought that we recall when we’re emotionally triggered to worry. But let’s face the facts; you just cannot assume that you know what is going on in other people’s lives, minds and hearts. If you are going to make an assumption, always assume your partner loves you, even when it seems like they don’t.
Before you make any assumptions about what someone’s thinking or doing, see how the drama factor can go down radically once you have the courage to ask ‘what’s going on’?
Just take a breath and relax into knowing that there’s nothing really to assume anyway. It’s a waste of energy and time to engage in that kind of guesswork and conjecture when the truth will ultimately reveal itself over time.
So assume less. And wait for proof. You’ll be glad you did. Because even if the news isn’t what you were wanting or expecting, it’s still never worse than the assumptions you made.
If you want to be happier and improve your relationships, then remember sarcasm is just hostility disguised as humor. Did you know most people who receive sarcastic comments feel put down and usually think the sarcastic person is a jerk. Indeed, it’s not surprising that the origin of the word sarcasm derives from the Greek word “sarkazein” which literally means “to tear or strip the flesh off.” That’s right sarcastic word emotionally cut the listener.
Now I’m not saying all sarcasm is bad. We should just use it sparingly – like a very hot spice in cooking. An occasional dash of sarcastic wit can spice up a chat and add an element of humor to it. But steady servings of sarcasm will overwhelm the emotional flavor of a relationship. Besides, people that constantly say the absolute opposite of what they mean cause unnecessary confusion and frustration to their mate.
Now there are people that believe sarcasm should never be used as a means of being funny because the listener can never be totally certain how serious the sarcastic person is. Yes, those people really exist. And many people believe sarcasm is the same as irony, but there’s a big difference between the two.
A person can use irony unintentionally and unconsciously and some situations can be seen as ironic. However, sarcasm must be deliberate and cognizant. Whoever makes a sarcastic comment knows that they're saying something contrary to what they actually believe, or how they actually feel.
Also situations cannot be sarcastic, whereas people can. Also sarcasm is recognized by the intonation of voice as well as by the physical gestures of the speaker. For instance, when a speaker utters words which are directly opposite to his/her intended meaning, but there's a vocal emphasis on these words (often accompanied by facial gestures such as a smirk, shaking of the head, or rolling of the eyes) indicates that they are not to be interpreted literally.
I don’t think sarcasm is healthy for romance relationships because it’s a form of criticism normally accompanied by particular negative attitudes, such as disapproval, contempt, and ridicule. From the listener’s point of view, after a sarcastic remark has been made, a process of decoding and interpretation must take place in order to understand what was really meant.
Now, I know many men don’t view sarcasm as a negative thing while women are more divisive on the issue. I believe both sexes agree that sarcasm can cause discord in romantic relationships and friendships. So people must be careful with how they use sarcasm because of its verbally aggressive nature.
And no one should be ignorant of their partner’s feelings. Everyone should remember, sarcasm leaves too much room for misinterpretation and it's time-consuming to decode a sarcastic statement.
So just be more direct and use sarcasm sparingly.
NOTE: This youtube video contains three expletives and use of guns in the
'Video Example' of sarcasm.
So you can stop watching at the 2:17 time stamp, if needed.
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