When it comes to physical maturity you can normally observe where someone is in their development. While you might mistake a 19-year-old teenager for a young man in his early twenties, you would never think that an infant is a 5-year-old girl and you would never think that a man is his forties was in his late seventies.
Emotional maturity is a little more complicated to ascertain. At first, a man in his late forties can seem to have the emotional maturity of someone who is in his late forties —i.e. he can seem to have the emotional maturity of a seasoned adult… However once you get to know him, it can become apparent that most of the time, even though he is in his late forties chronologically, he has the emotional maturity of a teenager with occasional digressions to the emotional maturity of a child.
Emotional Maturity is something that you often need observe over time to get an accurate picture of where someone is.
Stages of Emotional Maturity
People generally spend the bulk of their time in one of four stages of emotional maturity—Child, Teenager, Young Adult, and Seasoned Adult.
If you observe someone with an eye to discerning their level of emotional maturity, most of the time, you will be able to ascertain at what stage of emotional maturity they spend most of their time.
Sometimes, particularly under stress, people regress. I once dated a man that became emotionally immature when he was under any type of stress. He would drop from the Seasoned Adult Stage to the Teenager or Child stage during disagreements or difficult situation.
I thought I was dealing with a person with anger and control issues until I took a closer look at his reactions. He would sigh loudly when he didn’t want to hear others speak their mind, he would state his opinions harshly without any empathy for others feelings, and he would always seek to give ‘pay back’ to anyone that frustrated him. When I mentioned his emotional immaturity levels to his son, the boy agreed that his father regressed when he was upset.
He said his dad becomes a 17 year old bully when he doesn’t get his way. I remember asking why seventeen? And his son stated, “… because my Dad acts just like the juniors and seniors boys at the high school.”
Striving to be More Emotionally Mature You can become more emotionally mature. If you have people in your life asking you to become healthier in regards to your emotions. You need to become more self-aware of when you’re ranting, pouting, sighing, or acting out like a child. When the stories you’ve made up in your head about a situation carry more emotional weight that what really happened, you may be creating unnecessary drama.
Decide today to access where you are in your emotional maturity and work on how you react under stress. Your family and friends will appreciate it.
Back in my mom’s day. They would show her high school class movies to teach psychology principles. (It was a far cry from the animated musical educational short films I watched called Schoolhouse Rock but it did the trick.)
Here’s one below that talks about Emotional Maturity. In it a teenage girl reflects on her emotional growth, as she remembers episodes in which her love, fear, anger were not always under control
There was a time when my family was told I wouldn’t survive for a night, but I was there the next morning. Then doctors told my mother to prepare for a week or two tops, but I survived for months on end. When I was able to leave that hospital I grew into the child that wanted to do things myself. Tie my shoes myself, read a book by myself, even fix broken toys by myself. (Yeah, I wouldn’t let a broken Easy Bake Oven slow down my brownie production.)
Now, I’m a mother of two college-aged daughters and my tenacity hasn’t diminished. I’ve been through some trials, battles, and massive disappointments but I keep pushing myself to be better than I was yesterday, I keep learning and growing.
Often people think they want to do something, but … it’s not something they’re really passionate about. If you’re passionate about something, you can’t wait to do it, and you’ll clear your schedule and make the time to do it. You’ll find a way, and when you’re doing it, you’re excited and happy (and maybe even a little obsessed).
Really think about whether you’re excited about your goals or dreams … if not, you might need to look for new dreams. If you’re excited, and you’re really working hard to pursue the dreams because of this excitement, you can make your dreams a priority.
That means every day, when you wake up, decide what you’re going to do to make that dream a reality. Then do that task first thing in the day, before even checking email. If you can’t do it first thing, schedule time for it. If it’s a priority, you’ll make the time.
But what about work and family? Obviously those are also priorities, so you’ll have to schedule time for all three. That might mean cutting back on watching TV, doing less Internet surfing, or spending less time on email. Place limits on these routine-type activities, so that you can find the time to work on your dreams.
You might consider waking up earlier, or working late at night when your family is asleep. You might go in to work early so you’ll have some quiet time to work on your dreams, or work on your dreams during lunchtime.
You can make the time, if you make it a priority. Remember to never stop pushing yourself to achieve your goals. You only have one life to live and you don’t want to have any regrets when you look back over your life.
Honda invites you to #BestYourself. We start each day with a new opportunity. A chance to be better than the day before. 2013 Honda Civic Si Coupe featuring Nick Cannon. We never stop pushing forward. Honda #BestYourself campaign site: http://access.honda.com
Meant To Be - Life-Long Friendships
The best thing about life-long friendship is that you can be yourself around these people. In the good and bad times, they’ve been there before you could call them on their cell phones. In a world where social media can give a false sense of real life connections, we must remember life isn’t a keystroke away it’s a moment away… a moment you’ll make by extending yourself outside your box.
I know all of us get caught up in the daily routine of life, where every day seems to drift right into the next one. But friendships need to be discovered and nurtured or they’ll die.
Many people have had the experience of meeting someone new and immediately starting to hang out with them all the time. Just as many can point to a very good friend of theirs where the bond grew a lot more gradually. Neither way is better than the other.
I think friendships can get off the ground quickly when:
1. You just click with that person unusually well.
2. When you're both at a place in your lives where you're looking for new friends to spend time with (e.g., how social circles come together really quickly during the first weeks of college).
3. When you're both in close proximity to each other (e.g., you live in the same building).
4. When you fulfill an unmet need in each other's lives (e.g., you absolutely love movies, but none of your other friends care much about them. Then you meet someone who's also a huge movie buff; You're the only person in your group of friends who's still single and wants to go out on the weekends. Then you meet someone who's looking for the same thing).
Friendships can grow more slowly when:
1. One or both of you are pretty busy with your day-to-day lives and/or already have many friends who fill up your calendar. You just don't have time to hang out constantly.
2. You get along well, but there isn't that instant spark of intense compatibility. You'll become closer sooner or later, but it's not going to happen in a week.
3. You're not actively trying to grow a friendship but they're in your social circle, and you get to know them better as you hang out with all your other friends. Eventually, even if it wasn't your intention from the start, your relationship with them begins to grow into a deeper one.
Days after premiering their long-awaited and quite dramatic biopic, ‘CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story,’ T-Boz and Chilli release the video for ‘Meant to Be,’ a new song featured on their forthcoming greatest hits album, ’20.’
‘Meant to Be’ is a track that T-Boz co-wrote with Ne-Yo, who appears in the visual. The feel-good song is pretty much a testament to TLC‘s lasting bond and friendship. Plus the melody brings back a warm feeling of familiarity and comfort that is missed from the platinum-selling group’s early days.
Okay, I’m putting the call out to all of my blogger friends, Facebook subscribers, and Twitter followers to do me a HUGE favor and checkout some of the AMB Talk Radio clips posted on youTube.
The official podcast launch will be on Friday, November 1st but I need your help to get the word out. It’s a commuter podcast - a totally new animal in the podcast world. It’s an organic concept because I’m taking you along my morning commute with my college-aged daughter. You get to hear our real conversations and reactions, just like you’re sitting in the backseat eavesdropping on our mother-daughter dynamic.
We talk about pop culture, relationships, books, life-goals, and so much more. I can’t say we’re politically correct all of the time but we’re having real conversations. I’m sure all of you have had great conversations in the car that kinda loses something when you try to re-tell it later to a friend.
So take a listen to some of our podcast clips below and every Monday and Friday at 6am EST, a new broadcast of the show will be available on YouTube. Subscribe!
Okay, I’ll admit my love of comic books started because of my love of comic strips. I don’t know about all of you but most Generation Xers can remember their parents reading the Sunday paper and always giving the kids the Comic section. Well, that did opened the gateway for me!
I remember reading Peanuts, Archie, Blondie, Cathy, Doonesbury, Dilbert, and a host of other comic strips and grinning because some of my beloved characters had some wild antics. Well today you might have noticed your Facebook and Twitter feeds are starting to resemble the Sunday funnies. You can’t go a week without someone posting personalized comic strips for your viewing pleasure.
Well, you can thank an app called Bitstrips, which launched its 1.1.7 version for iPhone, iPod and iOS users this week as well as on Google Play for Android users to restoring the love to the comic strip. The free app has made its way to the No. 1 spot on the top free-apps section of the App Store and Google Play as of Thursday with more than 10 million users.
If you’ve always wanted to unleash your creativity in comic strip form, download the app to your mobile device, access the app on Facebook, or use your PC to access Bitstrips and start designing your Avatar.
Night Owl vs. Morning Lark
Okay, I’m a morning person. There’s something about a quiet house in the wee hours of the morning that gives me a great start to my day. Now don’t get me wrong, I have morning when I want to pull the covers over my head and stay asleep but since I decided to always get seven hours of sleep each night, instead of six, I’m feeling pretty chipper in the morning.
I think I’ve always been a morning person because my mother made it look so easy. I can remember the way she would get up and help us started our day. You know, the dreaded flick of the bright overhead lights in your room just when you hit the snooze button for the second time. She would always say, “Angie? You up?” And my mumbled answer, from under my covers would be, “Yes Ma’am. I’m up.”
My mother would wake about forty minutes before me and my brother, Wayne. She had a morning routine of reading her Bible and praying before getting ready for work. When I was young I took comfort in her routine. The soft glow of her lamp being flicked on, her slipper-covered feet heading towards the kitchen, and the brief sound of her tea kettle whistling on the stove were the sounds heard before my alarm clock buzzed by my ear.
It seems like just yesterday when I would enter our orange zinger-scented kitchen and eat a big bowl of Captain Crunch as my mother placed my hair in two ponytails, one on top of my head and the other near my neck. We didn’t have a bunch of money but we had God, love, smarts, and our health. My mother believed if you had those things, you were already ahead of the game. And it seems the data is supporting her beliefs. (See youTube video below)
Today, I find myself doing a variation of my mother’s morning routine except I add inspiration words on my Facebook wall and text my daughters ‘Good Morning’ without the shock of a bright light. I think I stick with a morning ritual because I feel it connects me to her.
It reminds me that I have her spiritual DNA. She is strongly driven by a moral compass that can rival the most dedicated church leaders and when something delights her soul, her laughter totally cracks me up.
This morning lark ritual also reminds me of the strength of mothers because all over the world women are getting up before their families to start their day. So what are you a Night Owl or a Morning Lark?
We all know what anger is an emotional state that encompasses anything from moderate irritation to full blown rage. The physical effects of anger include: increased heart rate, blood pressure and adrenaline. Anger usually comes about for some of the following (real or perceived) reasons: Feelings of being wronged or humiliated, feelings of resentment, mistreatment, frustration, losing face or being made to feel helpless, lack of control, having ones personal space invaded, injustice, feeling trapped or isolated and jealousy. It can be unleashed for many reasons but what do you do when you’re on the other side of a loved one’s displaced anger?
Anger displacement is when a person directs their angry thoughts and feelings at you rather than the actual source of their hostile feelings. For example your friend that owes you money just shows you photos from their expensive exotic vacation, but you say nothing. Instead you get home and take it out on your partner. This is not only terrible for your relationship but it also increases your stress level and shortens your life span. It’s a very ineffective way to deal with your anger because when your ranting and raving is over, your anger toward your friend will still be there.
Transference of anger is a symptom of a person’s inability to fully process their emotions in a healthy, mature manner. All of us do it from time to time but it takes a great deal of self-awareness and maturity to limit the amount of times we do it.
But what do you do if your habitual (or default) Anger style is displaced anger? Not Acting Out, Avoidance, or Ignorance? Then you have to understand that displaced anger is the classic example of the victim-victimizer cycle. A person that was the victim of someone’s anger goes on to give anger to another person (becoming the victimizer).
To get a handle on any bout of displaced anger try the following:
1. Remember displaced anger as ‘anger without a home’ when you don’t deal with the cause of your anger.
2. Ask yourself why are you choosing to lash out at your loved ones and forcing them to ostracize and ignore you because of your bad behavior.
3. Remember that you are smart. Problem solve because there is a solution to every problem if you choose to look for the answers.
4. Relax and think things out. Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate and disastrous.
Remember only you can control the fire within – You can choose to be led by the glow of a candle flame or be consumed by a raging inferno.
Okay, I know the world just discovered Kanye West proposed to his girlfriend of 18-months, Kim Kardashian. I am genuinely happy that Kanye is certain that the home he created with Kim is where he wants to be permanently. He understands their past, respects their core differences and similarities, weathered many difficult conversations, and still adores his woman. I bet you didn’t know most romance author are creating alpha males like him to sell novels. Remarkable, right?
Well Kanye knows married guys are mocked for given up their freedom and the media jokes that they’re emasculated. But he knows most happily married men don't mind the ribbing from their immature, misogynistic friends. Strong men can handle it all because, in truth, they know they have it way better than their single friends do.
Kanye has seen Jay Z and Beyoncè relationship get better with the bond of marriage and since he’s a father, he knows the time has come to make a firmer commitment or be fine with status quo.
I applauded him for taking his time and doing what feels right for him. He made sure this felt right for him by doing the things that would help any man make up his mind about marring his girlfriend:
He spent a lot of time with her – He understood you can’t build a forever relationship without spending a lot of time together to learn if this woman could give him what he needs emotionally and if he could reciprocate.
He got to know her family – Any man that would move in with his girlfriend’s family while his home is being built is really doing his own reconnaissance work. He was making sure his girlfriend lives her life on her own directives and not under the guise of a master puppeteer. He take the ‘cleave unto each other’ of the marriage vows very seriously.
He knows in his heart this woman is meant to be his wife – Yes, he had an initial attraction and friendship with his girlfriend, but over the course of 18 months he learned she has what it takes to be his life companion. That’s a tall order.
He’s only being pressured by himself - Kayne is one man that doesn’t let anyone push him around so he’s only proposing because he wants to and not due to peer pressure, others’ approval, or financial reasons.
She’s there for him and genuinely loves him – Yes, all of us know when someone is totally in love with us or when they are just tolerating us to get what they want (users). He clearly knows the difference and decided to get married.
Deciding to get married isn’t an easy decision. It’s a commitment to a lot of work to build a family with values and to stay united in good times and in adversity. I hope every guy that’s thinking of ‘putting a ring on’ his girl’s finger takes it as seriously as Kayne has. Congrats Kanye, Kim, and Baby North. Enjoy your life.
Tune into AMB Talk Radio this November
You know sometimes nothing is funnier than the conversation you have with loved ones. I’m sure you can think of some moments with your family or friends that had you rolling over laughing hysterically or even shaking your head in utter disbelief. Well my family is no different and that’s why my AMB Talk Show is coming to youTube this November.
After a year of commuting with my college-aged daughter, Resa, I’ve noticed that we’re sharing bits and pieces of our morning conversations with our friends, colleagues, and other family members. And everyone we've talked to wishes they were in the car with us on our morning ride. So I decided it would be fun to give you guys a taste of what this mother-daughter duo is like before 9AM.
We’re not competing with the New York radio personalities like Steve Harvey or Elvis Duran, instead we’re featuring short segments of a typical 20 minute commute. This venture was also created so I could have my youngest daughter, Nicole, experience what it’s like to carpool in the morning with her family. We keep telling her she’s missing some great side-cracking and wisdom-filled moments but she’s not the morning riser. She’s my resident night owl so she’s asleep when Resa and I make the trek to work/school each morning.
I want listeners to realize that talking to your family instead of tuning them out with your smartphones and iPods can be quite entertaining. If you don’t believe me just get a couple Winans family member in the same car and I’m sure Keenan, Damon, Shawn, and Marlon would tell you their conversations are priceless and hard to duplicate.
I hope you’ll subscribe and give the AMB Talk Show, a chance to brighten your work week. Every Monday and Friday at 6am EST, a new broadcast of the show will be available on YouTube. Subscribe!
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