My fourth installment at the Social Gods.com website is up so join me there. Women enjoy revealing their latest dating adventures with their girlfriends. And thanks to shows like ‘Sex in the City’ men finally understand there are few topics that are off limits. In my article, When You’re Under Her Girlfriends’ Scrutiny, I explain what a ‘gal pal dating dissection session’ means for a guy’s new relationship.
I hope you’ll continue to support me sharing my opinions with the large male audience at the Social Gods.com and send me your feedback. Enjoy!
Every parent wonders if their child will remember the wisdom they’ve tried to impart over the years. My two college-aged daughters are interested any advice I can convey about life, careers, and love, and as a romance writer they’re watching my love choices closer than ever before. (Like I really need that kind of pressure as a single parent.) This post shares some of the advice I’ve written to them in personal letters:
When it comes to life:
Your happiness should never be strongly tied to the actions of others. Joy is about internal fulfillment; if you can’t find bliss within yourself you’ll be afflicted with moods swing based on your personal interactions.
Never defer pursuing your dreams. Time is not on your side, you’re getting older so give things a try and see what happens.
Watching TV is the biggest waste of creative time. It’s one thing to watch a few of your favorite programs but it’s delusional to spend hours and hours watching reality TV stars live their lives, while you don’t live yours.
You can’t please everyone so stop trying. You will fail at many things and excel in others. People will agree with your opinion and also reject them vigorously. Pick your battles wisely and don’t let anyone shake your confidence.
Sing and dance whenever possible. It’s not only a great form of expression but it relieves stress.
Never hold a grudge or try to win every argument. It won’t make you a better person or a happier one.
Love your sister for the memories you share and the ones you are yet to create. I know DNA doesn't make people act like family but never purposely cause each other any pain.
When it comes to love:
Everyone is seeking love, validation, security and happiness. If you aren’t helping to facilitate a person’s process in getting that, then walk away because you’re doing more harm than good.
When it comes to figuring out if a man is romantically interested in you, ignore what he says and just pay attention to what he does. Yes, it’s that simple. It worked in your great-grandmother’s day and it holds up today.
When you get your feelings hurt or your heart gets broken, try to let the tears fall in private. And remember only you can define your destiny so see the gift in goodbye.
Everyone needs some form of love to not to feel lonely but constantly seeking a mate isn’t always the answer. Family, friends, pets are great forms of support and devotion too.
A man should always love a woman a little more than she loves him. Women are giving nurturers by nature so any man that can appreciate and lust after his woman without prompting will never be without affection.
My third installment at the Social Gods.com website is up so join me there. Dating these days can seem a little monotonous as everyone does the typical dinner date or the quick meeting as they grab a cup of coffee. In my article Creating Long-term Memories With an Action Date, I explain how an action date changes the dynamic of a couple’s interaction and reveal more about their compatibility.
I hope you’ll continue to support me sharing my thoughts with the large male audience at the Social Gods.com and send me your feedback. Enjoy!
***NOTE*** The NORTH STAR - Back to School contest is in its last week. Enter for a chance to win a $100 Visa Gift card towards your 'Back to School' shopping or buy something nice for yourself. Contest ends on August 25th.
The best thing about being a romance writer is my creative playground is the world of love and relationships. I get to enjoy every aspect of two people realizing they’re meant for each other. And if things don’t work out between them, there’s a chance that God, fate, or whatever you want to call it, can intervene and bring them back together, like a wonderful movie sequel.
I’m enjoying creating the Sheridan series because writing romance pushes me to expand my views on relationships and men. My heart is optimistic and I understand love can change like a shape-shifter undergoing a marvelous transformation. I realize there are no perfect relationships but when you’re in your twilight years you should enjoy remembering the one that inspired intense longing, understanding, passion, and love. They’ll be the person that knew you so well; it felt like they were a part of you. This week, I was reminded to look back at my past relationships and evaluate who stood out.
Have you ever done that? Not after a breakup or when you come across an old memento, but to take a moment to contemplate the people that have crossed your path in life. Well, I think you should give it a try. The results may surprise you.
When I was in college, I learned about twin flames and soul mates from an old Seminole Indian philosopher and was astonished at the depths of love a person could achieve in a relationship. I learned to disconnect myself from the belief that you can only feel a true connection with one person in this life. Now, I’m not taking about polyamory or polygamy relationships; that’s not my cup of tea. I’m referring to having a deep bond with a person that goes beyond all level of understand. Some people refer to them as Twin flames or Soul Mates.
I’m sure you’ve heard people throw around the words ‘soul mate’ so often that I think we should hear harp chords playing in the background whenever the words are uttered. That’s because people equate it with the Twin Flame definition, but that’s okay. I’m happy they’re open to the possibility of finding their true match. If you aren’t familiar with either term, here are some brief definitions:
Twin flames have been defined as the spirit bisected into two, not one soul divided into two. It comes from the belief that God creates souls and then disconnects them to create men and women. That is why we have an inner pull to find our divine spouse. Twin Flames express love in its highest ideal, it’s natural, completely trusting, and pure. There are no expectations or demands to be fulfilled, or criterion to be met. It is based on an inner knowing that their love is unconditional. A special feeling seems to pass between them that is exciting.
Soul Mates are close reflections of our twin flame. They come in various forms such as siblings, friends, children, and co-workers, and only a few of them are actually romantic partners. They help us improve the way we love and live in this world. You should view soul mates as people in which you have a soul connection. When you meet them, there’s an instant liking, and you notice you have the same levels of: compassion, empathy, and life harmony. You can have a few soul mates in your lifetime but only one Twin Flame.
Take a moment and reflect on your past relationship, without any grief surrounding a love choice gone wrong or when you’re feeling a little lonely. Think about it when you’re in a positive space and ask yourself, “Did I meet any soul mates in my lifetime and have I already been in a relationship with my twin flame?” I’ve answered that question this week and I was surprised by the answer. Will you be?
***NOTE*** The NORTH STAR - Back to School contest is still accepting entries. Enter for a chance to win a $100 Visa Gift card towards your 'Back to School' shopping or buy something nice for yourself. Contest ends on August 25th.
My second installment at the Social Gods.com website is up. I hope you’ll join me there. In this day and age, many single people are securing dates online and over the phone. In my article Romancing a Woman on the Phone, I explain what type of conversation works for me and other career women seeking to make a connect with a special guy.
I hope you’ll continue to support me sharing my thoughts with the large male audience at the Social Gods.com and send me your feedback. Enjoy!
***NOTE*** The NORTH STAR - Back to School contest is underway. Enter for a chance to win a $100 Visa Gift card towards your 'Back to School' shopping or buy something nice for yourself. Contest ends on August 25th.
With a raised eyebrow, my mother use to say, “You really get to know people on a road trip.” She’d utter that phase whenever she packed up her car, and drove the family from Washington DC to southern Florida to visit my grandparents. On every trip, my older brother use to complain about needing to stretch out as he read Encyclopedia Brown, while I played the license plate game or guessed a whodunit on CBS Radio Mystery Theater.
What great childhood memories. I learned some valuable things about my family in that car. So if you’re still contemplating traveling with your best friend or a person you’ve been dating during this last month of summer, I think a road trip may be a good way to get to know more about them. Now a typical road trip has a drive time over three hours one way, requires a recent vehicle service before you attempt it, and cannot be done on a spur of the moment decision.
Now the two of you need to be in a good place at the beginning of the trip. No unresolved grudges or petty jealousies should be troubling either participant because the close quarters will bring out every evil thought you’ve ever had about the other person. Here's some advice to keep in mind before you attempt to travel together by car:
Whatever you were before the trip will be amplified during the trip
If one of you has a habit of making snarky comments, using a certain catch phase, or laughing too loud it will feel like they’re purposely doing it every five minutes in a car. So if you can barely live with some idiosyncrasies now, this trip will let you know if you can live with them for the rest of the relationship. It's a great litmus test for couples.
Plan the route and stops together before you’re in the vehicle
This will limit the feeling that the other person has taken command of the trip. Decide if making good driving time towards the destination is more or less important than relaxing and enjoying the drive. Nothing causes a mutiny faster than feeling oppressed and invalidated. One person shouldn’t dictate how many gas station stops or bathroom breaks, and when they occur. Discuss driving habits, quirks, expectations ahead of time. Decide together if you want to visit a sight along the way and take a few pictures or if you want to make good travel time on the road instead.
Be yourself but more flexible
Make up your mind that this person will see the real you. Don’t forgo good hygiene or anything crazy, just relax, have an open mind, and decide you’re going to enjoy yourself. When you’re on a long journey, things can happen - there may be an occasional flat tire or a long traffic jam. Or you could get lost. But it’s all part of the adventure of a road trip. Don’t sweat the annoying stuff, besides losing your cool is so unattractive.
Make it a Quality, Reconnection Time
You have hours to spend with each other, and you can catch up on things that you couldn’t speak about for a long time. Talk about the days when you first met, or how the both of you planned this trip. Or talk about your dreams… or just about anything else. It’s not every day that you can actually have a conversation for hours without the annoying buzz of the cell phone or a sudden meeting.
Process the Road Trip a Few Days After You Get Home
While you’re on a road trip you’re in an altered emotional state, which is completely colored by your comfort level during your travels. Let’s face it some of us travel better than others. A cramped car space will teach you a lot about each other, it’s inevitable. Remember Oprah and Gayle’s road trip from California to New York. They’ve been friends for years and yet they learned some things they didn’t know before the trip. So before you decide if the overall vacation was a bust or strengthened your bond, give yourself a couple days back in the “real” world to sort through your thoughts before defriending anyone on Facebook.
Now if you’re still excited to conquer the road with your full tank of gas and GPS, call your driving partner, and start planning today. There are some great tourist sites not too far from your front door and you can still squeeze in another memorable summer adventure before Labor Day.
***NOTE*** The NORTH STAR - Back to School contest is underway. Enter for a chance to win a $100 Visa Gift card towards your 'Back to School' shopping or buy something nice for yourself. Contest ends on August 25th
Hi everyone. My author friend, Janna encouraged me to write for the Social Gods ezine, a men’s online magazine. I am a little nervous because I’m putting personal dating life and opinions about men on display for a large male audience. The first article is called ‘First Encounter with a Prospective Date’ and I hope you’ll read it and give me your feedback. (See The Social Gods website to view the article.)
Men wonder why women enjoy reading romance novels. Well, if you ask me, it’s not the erotic passages or the steamy covers; it’s the new or rekindled romance developing between the couples. Yes, you read that correctly! If it was only about the sex, the Romance Writers of America (RWA) annual conferences would feature spicier PowerPoint presentations. :) And yes, I know about the Fifty Shades of Gray phenomena but there are still romantic themes in EL James’ novels. I don’t care how many times some voyeurs flipped pass the dialogue to the intimate scenes, women are attracted to the amorousness and attraction of the new relationship.
I can make this statement because I’ve networked with a wide range of romance authors. They extol the importance of couple connection, interaction, and conversation in their fiction and work diligently to build realistic romantic stories. And when romance readers talk about their favorite scenes in a novel, they recall scenes packed with wonderful dialogue, emotional revelations, passion or tenderness.
Let’s face it guys, women crave attention from their mates and the beginning of a relationship reveals splendid nuances of budding love and passion between two people, so if you feel the pangs of jealousy whenever your girlfriend, wife, or partner has her head buried into a romance novel, here’s a few pointers to recharge your romantic batteries:
Stay involved with each other
Romance authors can’t write a story where the hero and heroine never interact. The characters need to talk about something important that move the plot and/or reveals more about the characters themselves. So you can’t go days and weeks at a time without nurturing your relationship, my friend; lack of involvement and communication will create distance.
Getting through conflict and fighting fair
Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right. In a romance novel, when the heroes and heroines do quarrel, both sides fight fair (well, most of the time). And there is no name-calling, verbal or physical abuse.
Keeping outside relationships and interests alive
No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. If romance writers write about a heroine that sits and waits for the hero to interact with her, readers will throw the book across the room or delete the book from their Kindle. It’s not healthy to live a life like that. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to a couple’s relationship.
Know the Language of Love.
Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Critical to communication are nonverbal — like eye contact, leaning forward or away, holding hands, nodding when listening, not fiddling with the remote or smartphone. These are sexy ways of saying "I love you. I desire you. Every romance hero learns to master the language of love so his heroine will want no one but him.
Don’t forget the Give and Take
Recognize the importance of kindness. If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise and most romance novels display this. However, it takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange in reality.
Couples seem to be more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress and work through issues more easily.
Well, there you have it, guys. Now can you see why women LOVE romance novels? When she’s not around pick up her latest novel and give it the once over, or better yet, tell her to read you a few passages. She’ll blush or look at you funny, but just tell her you’re curious about my theory and I’m sure she’ll happily comply.
Long live romance and happy endings!!
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