Where's the Romance? - What Men Can Learn From Romance Novels

Men wonder why women enjoy reading romance novels. Well, if you ask me, it’s not the erotic passages or the steamy covers; it’s the new or rekindled romance developing between the couples. Yes, you read that correctly!  If it was only about the sex, the Romance Writers of America (RWA) annual conferences would feature spicier PowerPoint presentations. :) And yes, I know about the Fifty Shades of Gray phenomena but there are still romantic themes in EL James’ novels.  I don’t care how many times some voyeurs flipped pass the dialogue to the intimate scenes, women are attracted to the amorousness and attraction of the new relationship.

I can make this statement because I’ve networked with a wide range of romance authors.  They extol the importance of couple connection, interaction, and conversation in their fiction and work diligently to build realistic romantic stories. And when romance readers talk about their favorite scenes in a novel, they recall scenes packed with wonderful dialogue, emotional revelations, passion or tenderness. 

Let’s face it guys, women crave attention from their mates and the beginning of a relationship reveals splendid nuances of budding love and passion between two people, so if you feel the pangs of jealousy whenever your girlfriend, wife, or partner has her head buried into a romance novel, here’s a few pointers to recharge your romantic batteries:

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Stay involved with each other
Romance authors can’t write a story where the hero and heroine never interact.  The characters need to talk about something important that move the plot and/or reveals more about the characters themselves. So you can’t go days and weeks at a time without nurturing your relationship, my friend; lack of involvement and communication will create distance.

Getting through conflict and fighting fair
Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.   In a romance novel, when the heroes and heroines do quarrel, both sides fight fair (well, most of the time). And there is no name-calling, verbal or physical abuse. 

Keeping outside relationships and interests alive
No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. If romance writers write about a heroine that sits and waits for the hero to interact with her, readers will throw the book across the room or delete the book from their Kindle. It’s not healthy to live a life like that. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to a couple’s relationship.

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Know the Language of Love.
Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Critical to communication are nonverbal — like eye contact, leaning forward or away, holding hands, nodding when listening, not fiddling with the remote or smartphone. These are sexy ways of saying "I love you. I desire you. Every romance hero learns to master the language of love so his heroine will want no one but him.  

Don’t forget the Give and Take
Recognize the importance of kindness. If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise and most romance novels display this. However, it takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange in reality.

Couples seem to be more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress and work through issues more easily.

Well, there you have it, guys.  Now can you see why women LOVE romance novels? When she’s not around pick up her latest novel and give it the once over, or better yet, tell her to read you a few passages. She’ll blush or look at you funny, but just tell her you’re curious about my theory and I’m sure she’ll happily comply.   

Long live romance and happy endings!!

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