Don't Look For Perfection in Relationships

Perfection is a figment of our imaginations. There is someone out there who’s just right for you, yes, but that doesn’t make them unflawed. By the way, you’re not without blemish either. So stop demanding perfection from your mate because it's just a mechanism of control. And no one can control love.

If you think you can find a partner who's spotless, you have a WARPED sense of reality. Take a look to see if any of the following applies to you:

* Do you have very high standards for a potential partner?
* Has anyone ever accused you of having unrealistic expectations?
* Are you looking for the ‘perfect partner’?
* Do you believe someone needs to accept you as-is, no matter what but you keep a running list of the things they need to improve?
* Do you maintain a list of deal-breakers for relationships?
* Are you unbending about your vision of love and what someone must do to win your heart?

You need to understand that our flaws make us unique and lovable. So begin to embrace the imperfections so you can see true beauty – your own, and that of others.

---

Do this simple exercise, write down everything that’s “right” with you.
Then, and this is the tough part, list everything that’s “wrong” with you.
Whether it’s physical (“My nose is too stubby”), spiritual (“I really pray to God”), mental (“I second-guess everything I say”), or emotional (“I can overreact sometimes instead of acting rationally”). Own up to the best and worst of yourself – don’t be shy about writing it all down!

It might be tough to list your flaws on a piece of paper, if you have a perfectionist attitude. But that's good and bad.

It’s good because you normally think of yourself in a positive light. It’s bad though because you may not be seeing yourself honestly and clearly. So really truly ask yourself – are these things that would be a dealbreaker for you? Would you refuse to love someone because they had a stubby nose? See the absurdity? If you can’t give yourself a break you’re never going to be able to do that for someone else.

---

Then consider one or two of your most important relationships. Recall everything that was “wrong” with these people, in detail. From the most mundane to the glaringly obvious, get into the nitty gritty details about yourself and those who have touched your life – whether they were your sweetest mistake or your biggest error in judgment.

Now, reread what you’ve written about yourself. In retrospect, or with the new clarity you’re developing, are these items really helping you find the perfect mate or are they merely a character flaws you need to work on.

The idea of perfection can be harmful to whomever holds onto it. Someone shouldn’t have to exhibit specific traits before they’re considered “viable” relationship material. You can’t ask more of others than you ask of yourself. So be honest with yourself.  Acceptance is the real gift for you and for them.

---