Today that advice gets me thinking back to when I was single and living by myself. If there were dirty dishes in the sink…I’d do it. If there was laundry to do…I’d do it. Logging expenses? I’d do it. Anything that needed to get done, I did it because there was only one. I did all the cooking AND all the cleaning.
I have no desire to be an adversary with my mate and I refuse to be focused on pride. It’s not healthy and it NEVER solves anything. Instead of focusing on pride, imagine if BOTH husband and wife saw marriage as a partnership where both parties put in their 100/0. No matter what needed to be done, things would get taken care by whomever encountered it. A relationship like that would grow and flourish and the energy would be more positive than negative.
Most of the people who do this were raised by parents who kept score. It is an immature coping mechanism of dealing with anger, but, like the silent treatment, it ends up destroying both partners’ feelings of connection and trust.
If you want to erase your desire to keep score, start working as a team. Be kind to each other, prioritize the household tasks, follow through, and remember that changing a bad habit takes at least thirty days. And if you must keep score, keep score of the loving things your partner does each day. This will enable you to see more of them.