When You're Under Her Girlfriends' Scrutiny

It’s an ugly truth about dating that men have despised since the beginning of time. You take a woman out, have a great time, set up a future date, and one day you have a conversation that starts with, “My girlfriend (blank) said to me/wondered about/ or asked me …”  

The moment a man hears those words uttered he’s already straightened his back to take whatever emotional blow about to be delivered and secretly praying this type of conversation will come to a quick end. I know it’s convoluted but I’m here to tell you why women put you thorough his mild form of medieval torture and explain what you can do to steer your conversation back on track.

Girlfriend 101
Ever since God created play dates, sleepovers, and phone with unlimited minutes girls have understood the art of being social with each other.  From a young age, we’ve created relationship scenarios between Ken and Barbie and hosted pretend tea parties imitating the conversations we’re heard our mothers participate in with their friends.  In general, women find heart-to-heart talks with our friends to be a great stress reliever and the best course of action when we’re sidetracked by a problem.  So there’s nothing you can do to stop a woman from soliciting her girlfriends’ opinions about your dates.  And I mean nothing, unless you manipulate her into believing secrecy is paramount to the longevity of the relationship.  (I strongly advise against that tactic because all it takes is for your lady to ask one wise woman, or hear a thought-provoking Sunday morning sermon, and your plan will fall apart like a deck of cards.)

I know you don’t like that women talk about their relationship and want to nip such action in the bud but if you say anything against a woman’s close girlfriends, it will become a sore spot of the relationship. They’re the women she relies on in good and bad times.  They were around before the sway of her hips turned your head and will be there if the relationship has a rough patch. Your reaction to news that her inner circle was told about you should be positive because it means she sees some potential in the relationship.  But if she begins peppering your conversation with enough questions to remind you of Bill Clinton at a Senate Impeachment trial, you need a counterattack to remind your lady that her friends aren’t steering this relationship.

Good Women Protect Their Friends
Keep your cool and remind yourself be proud that a portion of her girlfriend gabfest consisted of her sharing the wonderful time she had with you. Her friends realize once she falls for you totally, it will be much harder to do any investigative inquiries.  (Yes, many women have gone missing in action once they’re in a relationship, only to surface two to three months later.) So while she’s just a little smitten, many girlfriends go on alert and want to make sure she asks the tough questions and has her head on straight before Cupid starts shooting arrows.  Many guys have similar guy friends or their own relationship modus operandi that keep them from being overwhelm by the wrong person too so have some empathy for her gal pals.

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Turn the Tables and Make Your Own Assessment
Once the questions start coming fast and furious, take command of the situation, and set the tone for the rest of the conversation.  Answer a few questions and then cut right to the chase.  Ask the lady you’re dating if she’s told her friends about you and your initial date and why she did. 

If she confesses that she usually gets her friends opinions on all new relationship or says yes, it was a topic that came up in passing then ‘Proceed with Caution’. If you overreact she’ll never forget it and her friends will get an earful at their next chat session. Instead say “Okay, I see”, let her know you’d enjoy meeting the women one day, and change the topic by talking about the next date you would like to take her on.

If she’s a mature woman, she’ll find your attitude refreshing because very few men see a group of girlfriends as anything other than narrow-minded gossips.  If she’s immature, she won’t let you change the topic and will provoke a drama-filled conversation to assert her independence.

Now if your lady completely denies that she’s spoken to her girlfriends about you but you believe she has, that’s a ‘Red Flag’. There’s some immaturity, manipulation, or a low self-esteem issue at work here. Deception in any form spreads like a cancer. You already know women talk to each other so if she states she hasn’t, she may not be genuinely interested in anything long-term.  Or she may wait until the second or third date to make up her mind or tell her friends.  Take your time and take note of any hot/cold fluctuations in her interest level to get to the bottom of this mystery.

Some Friends Mean Well, Other Mean Harm
Everyone has a friend or family member that can ruin a new relationship with their bad advice, make you second guess your attraction, or point out a small reason to stop dating someone.  If your lady’s friends are having her ask questions to disprove her ‘great guy’ theory, then they may not be good emotional support for her. They shouldn’t disrespect the new relationship by having their happy friend suddenly treat you like a police detective.

The good news is the majority of a woman’s girlfriends want to see her happy and her new relationship succeed. And your date should be smart enough to know when taking people’s advice isn't a good idea, and when it may cause more harm than good.

All of us know some people with hidden agendas and ulterior motives based on bias, jealousy, etc.  Don’t let a woman’s girlfriends determine the pace of a new relationship because if they can strongly influence it at the beginning, they will intensely ruin it in the end.

Stay confident, handsome, and otherworldly!

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