As a young child, I’ve had my hair pressed straight and braided by my mother to make my hair more manageable. There wasn’t a week when I wasn’t inundated with the thought that my hair was difficult to tame. I had first permanent relaxer at age thirteen so I could manage my hair myself when I entered high school. And my teenage peers often reinforced that having a straighter hair texture other than my own was highly preferred. Let’s fast forward to adulthood and my feeling about my hair today. For the past couple years I’ve been more conscious about the food I eat, natural products, and getting away from harmful chemicals in beauty items so I also developed a desire for healthier hair care options. I’ve been telaxing my hair for five years. (NOTE: Instead of chemically processing my hair bone straight, I purposely under-process my hair to leave some texture which is called 'texlaxing'. The result was slightly textured roots. Texlaxing is done with a mild permanent relaxer: the hair is coated with oil/conditioner first and the chemicals stay on any new growth for less than seven minutes.) I only telex my hair three or four times a year. You can see my blown out and flat ironed hair is healthy and shoulder-length and I totally love it. But during my travels this year to different United States climates and I found myself struggling with my hair. The coldness of Milwaukee, WI, the dryness of Los Angeles, CA, and humidity of Atlanta, GA made me take a hard look at my hair. I was working so hard to make it conform to being straight that I never realized my hair hadn’t grown past my shoulders in years. And even worse, I haven’t seen my natural hair texture since I was a teenager. Was I afraid of seeing my real hair? Did working in a corporate environment make me fearful to embrace what Mother Nature gave me? Did I secretly think my facial features would look harder without the look of longer hair to frame it? Yes, yes, and yes. I had those fears but I’m a mother of two college-aged daughters so how could I tell them to embrace and love their natural beauty if I couldn’t do the same? So I stopped the damaging hair processes the moment I returned from Atlanta. I researched everything I could about my natural hair texture and started my hair journey. Only one person in my life (a black man) totally hates my naturally coiffed hair. That’s disappointing but I understand that everyone won’t like the way my hair natural grows out of my scalp. What matters is what I feel about my hair. And I’m lucky that my family, friends, colleagues, and readers have been so supportive. It feels healthier and is so beautifully versatile that with each passing day, I appreciate texture God has given me. What I’ve learned from the start of this journey is that the weather shouldn’t have power over my personal style. My hair has a wonderful soft texture that I love touching and styling. It can be shown in this fashion just as much as I rocked the straight looks. Today, I feel totally comfortable in my being and the best part is my daughters understand their hair is beautiful in its natural state too. So what about you? Are you changing a part of yourself due to a fear of being judged? Have you placed your health on the back burner in order to conform to a societal norm? Does someone’s opinion have more weight in your life than your own? Can you love what you keep trying to change?
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We are asking each of the author and Book Club nominees to submit a ‘thank you statement’ that will be accessible from ‘The Angie Awards page’ so their readers can be acknowledged for their support. The author nominees can also explain how their story came to life and why they worked so hard to see it in print. The Book Clubs can explain the mission of their book clubs and how they hope to make an impact on the multicultural romance genres. There is no length requirement. The recipients of the Visionary Award and the Academy of AA/IR/Multicultural Fellows should submit their biographies listed along with anything thing they wish to say about the African-American, Interracial, and Multicultural romance genres. This information will make readers and bloggers aware of their contributions to the literary community. You can send your information as a Word Document (.doc or .docx files) to amb.novels@yahoo.com. In December, the ‘thank you’ statements and biographies will be printed in our online awards program (PDF) so readers can have a keepsake of the Angie Awards. NOTE: You can submit up to three photos for inclusion in jpeg or gif format., 250dpi READERS and SUPPORTERS You can submit graphics and text for a program ad to show your support for a nominated author, book club, or all of the nominees of the 2014 Angie Awards. Make your ad purchase below and submit your ad before November 23, 2013, 12PM EST. As an author, I’m known to observe people’s mannerisms, speak patterns, and social interactions. It helps me to write well-rounded characters and give me a heightened sense of empathy for others. I've learned you can't view the world in only Black and White. A few years ago only types of people that seem to perplex me, when I dare to interact with them long enough, were the narcissists, the psychopaths, and the sociopaths . I’m sorry to say, I can no longer say that. God, in his infinite wisdom has granted me some insight into these personalities that I’ll never forget. I look at the world of personalities in a VERY broad spectrum. Here's what I've learned about the group of people that once confused me. A big marker to spot a narcissist is their lack of empathy. Lacking empathy is a profound disturbance to the narcissist's thinking (cognition) and feeling (affectivity). They can pay attention only to stuff that has them in it. This is not merely a bad habit -- it's a cognitive deficiency. They also won't take other people's feelings into consideration and so they overlook the fact that other people will react with feeling when abused or exploited and that most people get really pissed off by being lied to or lied about. Sociopaths and psychopaths share many traits, which is the main source of confusion for differentiating them in psychology and criminology. The shared traits are: a disregard for laws and social mores, a disregard for the rights of others, a failure to feel remorse or guilt, a tendency to display violent behavior and outbursts. Sociopaths and Psychopaths are often witty and articulate. They can be amusing and entertaining conversationalists, ready with a quick and clever comeback, and can tell unlikely but convincing stories that cast themselves in a good light. They prey ruthlessly on others using charm, deceit, violence or other methods that allow them to get with they want. They lack of a conscience or sense of guilt, have no empathy for others, are self-absorbed, pathological liars that constantly violate social norms, they disregard the law, have shallow emotions, and have a history of victimizing others. Some are so good at manipulation and mimicry that they have families and other long-term relationships without those around them ever suspecting their true nature. Psychopaths have a physiological defect that results in the underdevelopment of the part of the brain responsible for impulse control and emotions. It is their ability to effectively mimic empathy and emotional connection that make them particularly dangerous, unassuming and often highly dangerous. In the eyes of others, sociopaths don’t appear to have a conscience. Sociopaths are the product of childhood traumas and abuse. They are capable of empathy or emotional connection with others but only to specific individuals, such as a family member or friend, and only in specific contexts. As an author, I’m a student of personalities. I want to know the combination of thoughts, emotions and behaviors that makes everyone unique. The way people view, understand and relate to the outside world, as well as how they see themselves helps me understand character development better. A person’s personality forms during their childhood and is shaped through two major factors:
There may be a link between an early lack of empathy — understanding the perspectives and problems of others, including other children — and later onset of one of these personality disorders. That’s why it’s so important to learn the history of a person and not just get swept up in what they present to the world. Some characteristics of a man 1. A man treats women with respect. If you don’t respect women, you’re not a man. PERIOD. 2. A man understands that his greater happiness exist in in helping others, not helping himself. 3. A man doesn’t stand still while the world passes him by, he continually pushes himself. 4. A man is a leader in at least one aspect of his life, whether it’s with his family, with his friends, or in business. But he also knows when to follow. 5. You can depend on a man. You can’t depend on a boy. 6. A man is proud, often to a fault. He doesn’t “change” but rather evolves. Ladies, don’t try and change a man, but let him evolve into the man he’s meant to be. 7. A man needs to be willing to do whatever it takes to keep his family safe and happy. 8. A man’s biggest mistake is giving another man an opportunity to make his woman smile. If you love her, you shouldn’t be giving any guy that chance. It should be you making her smile. 9. A man lives for a purpose beyond his own personal gains. This can come with time, and with family. It doesn’t always happen right away. 10. Don’t try to outdress a woman. She should be the center of attention and should not feel that she’s underdressed. 11. A man gets depressed, he gets sad, he thinks about quitting and folding, but he never does. He pushes through adversity. 12. A man has faults. It’s important to understand this. 13. A man can laugh at himself. 14. A man takes pride in how he looks and lives his life. He’s not ashamed by who he is, what he does or how he looks, even if he’s constantly trying to improve himself. 15. Men learn what is truly important over time. If they’re lucky, they’ll have a sense of it early on. 16. If a man finds someone special, he doesn’t treat her like she’s everyone else. 17. A man has fears, but he isn’t ruled by them. 18. A man learns from his mistakes. 19. A man does what is necessary, even if it’s the hardest decision, or the most unpopular one. 20. Don’t ask about the last guy she was with. Being competitive is a young man’s game. 21. Whatever you give a woman, she’s going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. So, if your give her any crap, you will receive a ton of sh*t. 22. A man knows being a male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But, being a gentleman is a matter of choice. What a wonderful morning to announce the nominees for the AMB Ovation Awards (The Angies). I’m so sorry if I botched anyone’s name or novel title. I wasn’t scheduled to do the presentation but our velvet-voiced announcer Isaiah Evans came down with a bad cold. Please accept my sincere apologies but my attempt was done in one single take a little after 12AM this morning. This September each of the author nominees will be asked to submit a ‘thank you statement’ that will be accessible from ‘The Angies page’ so their readers can be acknowledged for their support. The nominees can also explain how their story came to life and why they worked so hard to see it in print. The recipients of the Visionary Award and the Academy of AA/IR/Multicultural Fellows will have their biographies listed along with anything thing they wish to say about the African-American, Interracial, and Multicultural romance genres. In October, the Academy will be seeking 'The Angie acceptance speeches' of all of the nominees. Your speech will be read in December by one of the loyal readers that nominated you for your award. This will be a nice treat for you and an once-in-a-lifetime moment for them. (Click here for a list of the nominees.) Stay tuned to my twitter page @ambishop1 for more AMB Ovation Awards updates. Congratulations to all the nominees! I’m totally thrilled with the nominations for The AMB Ovation Awards (The Angie). All of the categories are busting at the seams with nominees and deadline for submissions is Saturday, July 20th, 2013. My staff is ecstatic about the nominations and they’ve enjoyed reading the reasons behind each submission. I must admit, I prayed that readers would respond positively to a new literary award but I’m SO happy that romance readers want their favorite authors to be recognized for their efforts. Now, I know there are other awards that may carry more publishing notoriety like the RITA, the Emma, etc but I believe creating a platform to acknowledge the efforts of my literary colleagues only increases awareness of the growth of the Multicultural/Interracial/African-American romance genres. A reader-based award has merit; it will remind the writers their fans appreciate their efforts. What a magnificent summer and thank you so much for making the AMB Ovation Awards (The Angie) nomination process a joyful one. I’ve made a promise to myself that if God blessed The Angie Awards with a large number of nominations, I’ll host it again next year. Well, He did his part so I’ll continue the reader-based awards next year. Yay!! Please stay tuned to learn the names of the finalists. It will be an online celebration on Thursday, August 22th, 2013. The 19 firefighters killed Sunday in an Arizona wildfire were young, brave family men. An elite crew of firefighters trained to battle the nation's fiercest wildfires was overtaken by an out-of-control blaze in Arizona, killing 19 members as they tried to protect themselves from the flames under fire-resistant shields. It was the most firefighters killed battling a wildfire in the U.S. in decades. Professional Firefighters take an oath to protect life and property. They don’t agree to die, become seriously and permanently injured, disabled or ill by virtue of their occupation but in some instances, their demise for the sake of saving a life becomes a necessity. Their profession requires that they get as close to a fire as possible and then apply water until it is extinguished. While the water part remains unchanged (since the Stone Age), ever evolving technology allows us to get deep into and closer to fires and their hazardous environments for longer periods of time than ever before. Fighting fires and response to related emergencies has become simultaneously more efficient and dangerous at the same time. The other challenge that remains unchanged is the notion of cutting costs on the backs of firefighters and then relying on their good nature and dedication to duty to get the job done even if it is at the expense of the firefighter’s safety, health and their life. The disaster Sunday afternoon all but wiped out the 20-member Hotshot fire crew based in nearby Prescott, leaving the city's fire department reeling. Soon their names will be added to the National Fallen Firefighters Monument but in the interim we’ll grieve with their families and loved ones. Gabrielle Union stars as Mary Jane Paul on "Being Mary Jane," a new BET show about a cable news journalist. The show premiered as a 90-minute movie on Tuesday night (on July 2) and will return for eight episodes starting in January 2014. Along with the end of her latest romance — which fizzles after Mary Jane discovers that the man she's been hooking up with is actually married — Mary finds herself constantly burdened with family responsibilities, including an ailing mother, a perpetually broke brother, and a niece who keeps popping out babies. Through it all, Jane just wants some honest companionship. The twist? She realizes it may not be a man she needs, but instead a baby. It seems like a romance comedy along the lines of Bridget Jones with more fashion and color put into the mix. One of the best parts of this series’ premiere centered around the interactions between Mary Jane and her producer Kara (Lisa Vidal). In the midst of more traditional family-based conflicts, Being Mary Jane features an African-American woman and a Latina discussing the politics of producing stories about rape in Zimbabwe and the cultural perceptions about women’s skin tones. It was incredibly material to watch in a rom-com made for television. Union called her role as a news anchor “sort of a secret dream come true.” She said she has always been fascinated with the news, reading three newspapers a day when she was growing up. In preparation for “Being Mary Jane,” Union studied journalist Soledad O’Brien, host of CNN’s documentary series “Black in America.” “Her series took up a lot of space on my DVR,” Union said. “I love how (O’Brien) delivers information. There’s a news anchor’s cadence that’s different from an actor’s cadence. If you do it wrong, you can come off cold or disconnected to the subject. I’ve been able to grow with the character in that manner.” All of us have our truth. Some of us bask in it like a child frolicking in the summer sunshine. Others cower from it in shadows of a façade. What I know for sure is that it takes courage to embrace your true reflection in the mirror. It’s a sign of maturity. So here’s my attempt to face my truth. I’ve just returned from my whirlwind trip to Los Angeles, California. The sights and sound of the city were captivating and invigorating but more times than I thought was possible I had to face some hard truths. In this blog, I write about things to inspire you or expose you to something you may not consider on your own. This blog is the place my family, friends, readers, and fans can see what I’m thinking about when I’m alone. Good or bad, it's my testimony and sounding board. I remember vividly how I felt on the day of the trip that we missed one of our pre-planned excursions. (It had to be re-scheduled for the next day.) I watched as other couples in the same predicament dealt with their situations with determination to make the best of it, while I had the opposite occurrence. It wasn't an ideal day. I wish the day would have progressed differently but it didn't. Things were said that hurt deeply. I wish I could re-write it like a movie in need of a new script. but it was my truth...on that day. Relationships and people aren't perfect but we have to embrace the lessons we learn along the way. In the interim, all of us have to live our lives as honestly as possible. Laugh when we want to laugh, forgive when we also seek forgiveness, speak up when we want to talk, and take time to be alone when we need that to, without worry that our relationships can’t withstand the weight of any of us standing 100% in our authenticity. Either our bond will be resilient to the truth of our reality or it will crumble under its weight, but it will be what God intended. All of us must trust His wisdom over our own. (UPDATE: This relationship officially ended on Sept 3, 2013.) I’ll post the photos from my L.A. trip soon for those that care to view them. It was memorable because it reminded me to have self-compassion and to listen to my intuition again. Below is India.Arie’s second single from her highly-anticipated fifth studio album, SongVersation. It's my summer anthem. It’s called “Just Do You.” Take a listen and be uplifted. |
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